OUTBURST

The following was written when i started missing my brother after he left for the US.its just a lesson i learnt.love when not expressed on time.shall never be the same in the end.its called OUTBURST 'cause again,it was a totally emotional writing.a typical Outburst.Things which had accumulated for quite some time but still refused to come out.and finally did in one full blow.! *phew*


"sowwwmmmmyaaaaaaa!!!!!!" came an array of words followed by a splash of water on her face which slowly took a turn and glided as drops down her nose and finally traversed the corner of her right eye.Her nose was the first to respond to this inhuman treatment.Sowmya-was a very short tempered kid.Even while sleepin, her anger reached the tip of her nose,the next was her eyes to react ,which opened with a start, to face the ultimatum being thrown at her by her mom,who resembled the feminine clone of hitler,or rather,it seemed so, to her sluggish vision.Still unable to depart from the heavenly feeling of being asleep,openin her eyes slowly,she searched for the source of the water and found it right in front of her,a glass which was about to crumble into pieces out of the pressure exerted by the hands which held them.She had never seen mom so pissed.Man, now what?she thought and made her way to start her day.After a wash,she settled down at her table to hav a cup of tea.She needed more sugar,so she got herself a spoon of sugar and started stirring the tea and as she was doing it,her eyes fell upon the daily calender and she saw the date.The date brought back memories and along with the tea,swirled her memories.It was a fine day,but an important one for her family.The day her big brother was leaving abroad to pursue his higher studies.It was a great thing,a good thing and she had no feelings what soever.Even if she did have,it was so minute that she was too busy to worry about it.To her mom,it was a sobre day.She pulled a long face and greeted the morning sun with a gloom.To her dad,it was a day of hiding behind the mask of bravery,the mask of expressions,revealin nothing! He walked around the house,goofing around,as usual.But to her,the day was important in a different sense.Given the nerdo she was,it was the eve of her biggest fear (next to cockroaches!!)her bioorganic chemistry exam.A subject which made her squirm uncomfortably at any point of time.Amidst the hectic exam schedule and last minute mugging-ups,she was neither mentally nor physically prepared to think about anything else.Though it was important, in a broad sense,she was so caught up in getting things right and memorising equations that simply failed to register,that what was big for her folks looked insignificant to her.This girl,took life seriously and was ridiculed for it too!!But she never bothered much.She was an unsolved mystery.Even she dint know how she would react to situations.Like, when her bro barged into the room that day and gave her a big and heart warming hug...he said "wont u ever miss me kutty?".she was speechless for a minute.The feelings she went through at that moment were an amalgamation of joy,sorrow,love,jealousy,envy,anger,shame,and finally humiliation.And atlast,at the airport,her feelings took a turn when she thought she saw a sparkle of tears in her brothers eyes,but in a jiffy,the tears dried up as quickly as they had come.She was amazed by the change in attitude and emotional behaviour that can take place in a matter of some 50 seconds.How could people play so many roles in so little time.Open display of emotins always bothered her.She always wanted to be the person she portrayed herself to be.Never let emotions take over. Realising her tea go cold,she plunged into the present,stopping the swirling of the spoon and her memories. Thinking about it,brought in a deep realisation in her.She just couldnt stop
the "WHY SERIES!!".Why had she not openly expressed her concern for her beloved brother....why had she put on a dumb act of "im a kewl kid", why had she become the person she had loathed her entire life.why ?why?why?.Her mind drew a blank to the rapid fire questions thrown at her by her conscience.She did love her brother.She did care for him,but why did she try to hide it??was she human?? she got nowhere with her thoughts blaming her.She closed her eyes.and danced with the beautiful memories shuttered away in the mind's subconcious.The wonderful childhood days,their own mini "kurukshetras",his guidance,the times when he dropped her someplace,the times when he had driven the bike not even realising that he had left her behind...the times when push got to shove and the shove resulted in a wwf championship..Yea...amazing life!.and yea,she missed him so much!!She dint know when he would come back,how long it would take.She just wanted him there,that moment to support her,to encourage her,to guide and protect her,to love her,to tease her,to give her an ensuring hug,.to play with her.she hadntrealised that she was half lying on the table thinking about the childhood days.Very slowly, a drop of water glided down her nose,took a turn and traversed the corner of her right eye.This time it was her tears!!Alas...she was human again!!!!!!!!!!!!if not now...then never!!!!!